


c'est la vie

by meatballsintheimpala



Category: Naruto
Genre: Established Relationship, F/M, Gen, birthday fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-15
Updated: 2015-09-15
Packaged: 2018-04-20 23:24:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4806152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meatballsintheimpala/pseuds/meatballsintheimpala
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>On his thirtieth birthday, Kakashi decides to have a midlife crisis.</p>
            </blockquote>





	c'est la vie

Kakashi was forced awake when the rays of early sunlight slipped inside his bedroom through the unusually drawn curtains. He turned his back to the offending light, but despite his earnest efforts, all traces of sleep had disappeared. He ran a hand over his face before lazily prying open his one black eye.

Of course  _this_  day would start off on the wrong foot.

Defying the annoying sunrays that had disturbed his slumber, he rolled over to embrace the other occupant of the bed, only to come in contact with empty space. He raised an eyebrow at the realization that she wasn't there. Forcing his ears to attention, he tried to pick up a source of noise from either the bathroom or the kitchen, but he fell short once again.

 _It's not like her to leave like that,_  he thought, briefly glancing at the clock to identify that it was early for work.

While he contemplated why exactly did she leave as well as how he didn’t wake up from the ruckus she usually caused when she was getting ready, Kakashi's eye caught a glimpse of something on the nightstand. Reaching over, he grasped the item, which revealed itself to be a note. A note written in very bad handwriting, to be specific, but one he easily identified as Anko’s.

_‘Had to leave early because, apparently, we have an emergency at T &I. Didn't want to wake you, figured you could use some rest, even though it was hell trying to get dressed quietly. And it was all for you, Hatake. Appreciate that. Lunch at the dango shop?’_

Kakashi sighed, using his lightning chakra to shrink the note. _Wonderful._ Not only was he forced to wake up in this ungodly hour, but he would also have to go about his morning routine alone. He hated that. It reminded him way too much of the years after his father’s suicide and his team’s demise, and that was never a good way to start a day.

But seeing that he didn’t have much of a choice, it would seem that this was exactly how his day would begin. He slipped out of bed and after glancing dejectedly at the calendar on his wall that marked the 15th of September, Kakashi dragged himself under the showerhead. A quick shower and a very unsavory breakfast later (for some reason, Anko had deemed it necessary to leave him two sticks of yesterday’s dango), he was sitting on his couch with his book in hand, fresh and fed and ready to begin the new day.

 _Icha Icha Tactics_ managed to hold his attention for about twenty minutes, before Kakashi sighed and tapped the book shut, letting it rest on his thigh. It seemed that, even involuntarily, this day would manage to take its toll on him one way or another.

Normally, birthdays didn't mean much to Kakashi. People usually gushed over birthdays and organized grand parties in order to celebrate and welcome another year in their lives. For him, his birthday only marked off another year that he was alive. Another year full of mistakes, failures and loss. For most of his life he had been alone anyway, thus he never really saw a point in celebrating it. Plus, he did find it ironic, especially since his life could be easily lost any given day. Celebrating the date of his birth didn’t make much sense to him.

His opinion wavered slightly over the years, but it never changed much.

However, he had been thinking about this particular birthday for a while now.

Today, he was hitting thirty. While it was not an extraordinary number to describe age by for the civilians, it was definitely a huge step in the life of a shinobi, and especially for one of Kakashi’s caliber.

He had lived through his father’s disgrace and suicide, the Third Shinobi World War, the death of Obito, the murder of Rin and the sacrifice of Minato-sensei, the attack of the Kyuubi and ten years of service in ANBU, not to mention the defection of one of his students to one of Konoha’s greatest enemies and a couple of life-threatening encounters with Akatsuki.

Thirty years were a long time to be spent on the battlefield. If he could go back, there would be a little less than a thousand things he would change. A different decision here, an affirmative answer there, a thoughtful retreat, a leap of faith. He would prevent the deaths of his comrades, alter the outcome of the war, stop Sasuke from leaving. But Kakashi knew the difference between wishful thinking and careful planning, and he knew that time travel was a farfetched dream so he didn’t ponder on it.

However, facts were facts, and the truth was that he had been a ninja longer than he would ever had anticipated. Be it dumb luck or a well-thought plan, he was still alive and able to fight for as long as fate allowed him to. And he could feel the repercussions from all of these years weighing him down.

Breaking out of his musings, Kakashi checked the time and with a sick satisfaction noted that he had still enough time to visit the memorial stone and be at least half an hour late for meeting Team Kakashi. With a concealed smile, he pocketed his book and left the apartment.

* * *

 

Strangely enough, the first thing to come out of his students’ mouths wasn’t the usual exclamation of irritation towards his tardiness.

"Happy birthday, Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto shouted at the top of his lungs when he saw Kakashi approach the training field where he had asked his team to meet him. The blond boy was waving both arms excitedly at his teacher, while Sakura stood on his side, smiling brightly, but keeping her enthusiasm under check.

"How did you know?" was the first thing that fell out of Kakashi's mouth in his usual bored and uninterested tone, but it did nothing to temper Naruto's spirits.

"Well, I _am_ Konoha's number one unpredictable ninja, aren't I?" Naruto said with a proud grin. It didn't answer his question though, which the younger man realized only after Kakashi had repeated it with the same tone as before.

"I _may_ have broken into baa-chan's office a while ago and looked into the registry files," the blond admitted sheepishly, his hand scratching the back of his head. "It was before I left for my training though, so..."

Kakashi wasn't really surprised by that. It was exactly like Naruto to break into the Hokage's office just to look into his friends' birth dates. What did surprise him, however, was that Sakura wasn't lecturing her teammate on his misdeed — beating him senselessly for it. Instead, she was simply shaking her head at his antics.

"Happy birthday, sensei," she said with a smile, her hands outstretched towards him and holding a small, delicately wrapped package out to him.

"Oh, _right_! I almost forgot!" Naruto exclaimed, fumbling around his jacket for a moment before producing an (admittedly hastily wrapped) package himself and thrusting it towards Kakashi. "Here. I didn't know what to get you, so I thought this was the safest choice."

Kakashi stared first at his two students and then at their outstretched arms and the packages dangling from them.

Presents. They were giving him presents. They had gone and bought him presents for his birthday.

He didn’t know how to react to the gesture. It had been a lifetime since he had been given a present for his birthday — or for anything else, for that fact. Trying not to appear too shocked by this, he took the gifts from their hands and went to unwrap them, mindful of the expectant stares of his young students.

Sakura’s package was a customized medical pack with all the first-aid supplies every ninja ought to carry with themselves on a mission. She had taken it a step further by adding a few medicinal herbs that acted as antidotes to the most common poisons and a few vials of soldier pills. It was to be expected by a medic nin of Sakura’s caliber.

Naruto’s present was ordinary shinobi supplies as well — a dozen of kunai. They weren't even special kunai. It was simply a dozen of regular, albeit professionally sharpened, kunai with a small _K_ engraved on the handle — which was probably Naruto’s handiwork. Kakashi didn't know why he suddenly felt so overwhelmed.

Or maybe he did. The last people who had given him gifts were his old team. And even though Naruto's regular kunai paled in comparison to Minato-sensei's special three-pointed ones, and Sakura's medical kit didn't have his initials sewn on like Rin's had, they were still holding a terrible amount of significance to him. Because these kids, who had spent so little time under his lead, who had trained with shinobi stronger than he was, shinobi who had introduced them to techniques beyond his reach — those stupid kids of his remembered to buy him presents for his thirtieth birthday.

(He really hoped that Sasuke wouldn't show up and offer him an eye though.)

When Kakashi felt it safe to use his voice again without the fear of sounding like he would choke from the emotions that seemed to fill up his chest, he offered them a heartfelt smile that he was sure they could see even through his mask.

"Thank you, guys. It means a lot to me."

Naruto grinned brightly. "You didn't think we'd just forget, did you, sensei? You have to treat us to lunch, after all!"

Kakashi couldn't hold back his chuckle. He should have expected something of the sort. Naruto didn’t usually pass up the opportunity to use a situation in order to get free ramen out of it. "Is that so?"

Naruto nodded enthusiastically and Sakura was quick to join in the act, looking slyly up at him. "Well, you _are_ supposed to treat people on your birthday."

Kakashi held up his hands in surrender. "Fine, fine. Training until noon and then we'll go to Ichiraku for lunch."

His kids beamed. "Alright!"

* * *

 

Assuring his students that he would meet them at Ichiraku (for some reason, Naruto seemed to think that he was planning to ditch them), Kakashi made a brief stop at the dango shop, looking for Anko. Since he couldn't possibly get out of treating his team to lunch, he ought to at least inform her that he couldn't have lunch with her as she had originally suggested, and that maybe if she wanted, she could tag along for ramen.

However, once again he found her missing from the spot where she should have been. He knew that it was well into her lunch break, and Anko didn't usually put things before her lunch. Especially when it involved dango she probably wouldn't have to pay for. He did insist on treating her more often than not and she was not above letting him, even if she didn't normally care for such acts of chivalry.

A waitress must have witnessed his discomfort when he scanned the entire shop and still couldn't find Anko, because she came up to him with a polite smile.

"Are you looking for Mitarashi-san?" she asked politely. She most likely remembered him from his weekly lunches there with Anko. After all, silver hair were not easy to miss and, decidedly, neither was Anko.

"As a matter of fact, I am. Did you happen to see her today?"

The waitress nodded, reaching into the apron tied around her waist for something. "She showed up earlier and took her order to go. She left this for you." She held out a folded piece of paper.

Kakashi raised an eyebrow. More notes? What was it with them today? Nevertheless, he took it and nodded politely to the girl. "Thank you."

"It's no problem, sir," she replied, giving a little bow before going back to her post.

Kakashi stepped out into the street and unfolded the note, to find Anko's chicken scratch staring back at him.

_‘I swear, tendonitis is a hair's breadth away, I can feel it. You won't believe the paperwork that came with our little 'emergency'. I have to eat lunch at the office, and you know how much I hate that. So, we’re gonna have to raincheck. I'm so, so sorry. Dinner at my place around eight? You know, unless some world-threatening crisis finds its way to my desk by then.’_

Kakashi had to admit, Anko's personality was so exuberant that it seeped even into the letters she wrote. He wondered what exactly her mission reports looked like. Did she mercilessly tease the recipient with her information or did she suddenly acquire an odd sense of professionalism and wrote down what happened in cold, hard facts? He would have to look into that one of these days.

However, her little note meant that he had missed another chance to see her that day. Just his luck. On the one day he wished to spend with no one but her, hidden from the rest of the world and lazing around the apartment, she had to be neck-deep in work.

With a sigh, Kakashi pocketed the note and made his way to Ichiraku, where Sakura and Naruto had already assumed their usual seats and put in their orders. He took a seat next to Naruto and motioned for a bowl of miso soup to Ayame, who took his order with a smile.

"So, Kakashi-sensei, how does it feel like being ol— _OW!_ Why did you do that, Sakura-chan?" Naruto whined as he massaged his left arm where Sakura had punched him.

“Kakashi-sensei is not old, Naruto,” his teammate said with a disapproving look.

“But he’s thirty! That’s _ancient_ for a shinobi!”

“ _You_ won’t live to reach twenty if you keep being an idiot!”

Naruto looked crestfallen. “But _Sakura-chan_ —”

“You should be respectful to your elders, dumbass,” Sakura warned him with a glare.

“I’m right _here_ , you guys,” Kakashi cut in their little argument with a smirk under his mask.

“Sorry, sensei,” they said in unison, looking down at the counter. Kakashi almost chuckled at the sight of his embarrassed students.

“Really, though,” Naruto said after a few minutes. “You’re super old, Kakashi-sensei.”

From behind Naruto’s head, Kakashi saw Sakura fume, but she probably decided that even her chakra-enhanced fists couldn’t knock any sense into his thick head so she simply rolled her eyes.

“I wouldn’t say I am _that_ old…”

“You’re like _double_ my age!” Naruto pointed out, as if that was argument enough.

“Is that a bad thing?” Kakashi asked with a little mock sadness in his visible eye, something that Naruto immediately noticed and tried to remedy.

“No, that’s not what I meant! It’s just… you’ve been a shinobi for a long time, sensei. Don’t you wanna retire or something?”

Kakashi gaped. Now he did feel kind of offended. “ _Retire_?”

Naruto waved his hands before himself when he realized his mistake. “Not that you’re too old to fight or anything! And I sure want you to teach me a lot more stuff, but…”

“But?” Kakashi pressed on. He was really interested to see where Naruto was going with this.

“Well, don’t you wanna have kids or something?”

“Kids,” Kakashi repeated incredulously.

“Yeah! You know, maybe a mini-Kakashi who would wear a mask like you or something! Or—or maybe a _girl_! So you’d have so beat up all the boys who come near the daughter of the legendary Copy Ninja!”

“Wow, you seem to have put a lot of thought in that, Naruto,” Sakura commented, mouthing a _thank you_ to Ayame as she placed their orders on the counter.

Naruto flashed her a grin. “Sure! I mean, I’ve never been much around babies before and I don’t know many old— _er_ people,” he amended when he saw Sakura’s narrowed eyes, “so Kakashi-sensei’s baby could be the only baby I’ll ever be close to!”

Kakashi chuckled at that. It seemed that the possibility of one day having his own kids had completely eluded Naruto’s train of thought. “I’m sorry, Naruto, but I’m not really planning on having children in the near future.”

“Yeah, I guess,” Naruto said, his shoulders slumping as if his hopes had been crushed under the heel of Kakashi’s foot. “You do need a girlfriend for that, after all.”

Both Sakura and Kakashi perked up at that and exchanged an amused look. They knew how oblivious the blond ninja could be — if his ignorance towards Hinata’s feelings was any indication — but it never failed to amuse them. Kakashi and Anko had been seeing each other for quite a long time, and even though Naruto had only been back for a few months, it wasn’t like they were keeping their relationship a secret. Sure, they didn’t advertise it either, but any fool with half a mind would have noticed that they were spending an awful lot of time together.

Any fool apart from Naruto, apparently, that was.

Sakura, who was clearly a lot more insightful than Naruto, slapped her teammate on the back of his head, earning a whine from the blond.

“Ow! What was _that_ for, Sakura-chan?”

She shook her head in disbelief. “You really are oblivious sometimes, Naruto.”

“What? Why?” Naruto obviously felt like he had missed something.

“Didn’t you notice that Kakashi-sensei is spending a lot of time with Anko-sensei lately?”

“Well, not really,” Naruto mumbled with a pout. “I mean, sure, I see them walking around sometimes, and there was that time at the dango shop, and I guess back when I saw her coming out of his house—OH MY GOD!”

Sakura watched with sick satisfaction as the blonde whirled around and pointed an accusatory finger towards their teacher, who was leaning against the counter in a bored manner, openly enjoying the scene way more than he should.

“You’re dating the scary snake lady!”

Kakashi was tempted to roll his eye. “I don’t think she’s very fond of that nickname, Naruto.”

“YOU’RE DATING THE SCARY SNAKE LADY!”

“Oi, didn’t you just—”

“Why, Kakashi-sensei, why!”

Kakashi leaned back, gazing lazily at his student. “Do I need to explain the wonders of physical attraction to you?”

At that, Naruto flushed a deep shade of red and slumped down in his seat. Sakura, sporting a slight blush of her own, simply snickered.

The conversation came to an end after that and they ate their lunch in silence, with Naruto inhaling his seven bowls, Sakura snorting at his eating habits and terrible table manners, and Kakashi vowing to disappear from the face of the Earth on his next birthday, because there was no way he would pay for all this ramen again.

With full stomachs, the three of them thanked the owners for the food and ventured out into the streets. Sakura excused herself, saying that she had some errands to run for her mother and, with a quick hug to her teacher and a curt wave to Naruto, she was gone. Naruto, who had stayed curiously quiet during the entire meal, was patting his stuffed belly happily.

“You know, Kakashi-sensei, you can date the scary snake lady if you want to,” he told Kakashi, who raised an eyebrow in amusement.

“Why, thank you, Naruto.”

“I mean, she’s definitely nuts, but you’re kind of weird too, sometimes.”

Kakashi shook his head at his student. Naruto didn’t possess much of a brain-to-mouth filter, but he found it extremely difficult to take offense to anything he said. He always spoke from the heart, with a shocking sincerity that he found lacking in the world these days.

“And you’re old enough to make your own decisions, so I guess I kinda trust you. But if you two ever have a kid, I call being its sensei!” the blonde exclaimed happily, flashing a blinding grin at his teacher.

Kakashi smiled, ruffling Naruto’s hair affectionately. “It’s a deal.”

“Great!” Naruto pumped his fist in the air, but then almost doubled over clutching his stomach. “Ow. I think I need to lay down and digest for a while.”

“Probably,” Kakashi agreed. He _had_ eaten seven bowls of ramen, after all. But then something suddenly came to his mind, and he turned to look at the blond. “Naruto, about what you said before…”

Naruto looked up at him. “Uh? What?”

“About retiring. You know you don’t have to retire to have children, right?”

“I know,” the blond said with a nod, but Kakashi noticed the sadness that suddenly overcame his face. “It’s just that… Well, being a shinobi is dangerous. Missions go wrong all the time. You never know if you’ll be coming home. And if you have a kid… it’s hard, you know. My parents died when I was a baby. I don’t know if they were shinobi, but if they were… well, they shouldn’t have been.” He offered a small smile. “I just don’t want other kids to go through that. So, if you and the scary snake lady want to have a kid, then you better retire!”

It was amazing how easily that boy could revert to his joyful personality. “Well, as I said, I have no immediate plans for children, but I’ll keep your advice in mind.”

“Advice, huh? Maybe I’m getting old too, if I’m giving advice to you, sensei!” Naruto teased with a grin.

“Maybe,” Kakashi said with a shrug. “I’ll see you tomorrow then. Don’t be late.”

Naruto snorted, already walking away. “As if! You’re the one who’s always late, old man!”

Shaking his head at his student, Kakashi began walking towards the opposite direction. He knew for a fact that Asuma’s team was using the training field by the forest today and he thought that he could catch a quick spar with the bulky jounin. Team Ten weren’t nearly as hardworking as the rest of their year’s groups and despite having impeccable teamwork (something that Kakashi still hadn’t completely achieved with his team), their sessions tended to draw out longer, usually for lack of enthusiasm and effort on Shikamaru’s part. This meant that he could still catch them before they called it a day.

As he made his way to the training grounds, Naruto’s suggestion came to mind. He was flattered at Naruto’s eagerness to mentor his future child, but he doubted that he would ever have one to begin with.

It wasn’t only that being a shinobi was as dangerous as it could get. He and Anko weren’t exactly the types of people you would expect to raise a child. They were married to their job as much as any shinobi. To add to that, both of their pasts were haunted by more demons than either cared to count, and given that their own experiences with family decidedly lacked, they were the least qualified to have one of their own. Not to mention their respective personalities, and the fact that he couldn’t see Anko catering to a toddler’s every whim in a million years.

Plus, Kakashi already had two kids that took up all his spare time and most of his money, whom he loved with all his heart. He had no need for more.

* * *

 

A few hours later, a worn out but satisfied Kakashi bid farewell to his friend and left the training grounds. The spar with Asuma had been refreshing, or it could have been, had the bearded man refrained from making jokes about Kakashi’s age, which had only encouraged the rest of Team Ten to snicker and offer their own remarks before they left.

While Asuma was two years older than Kakashi himself, he could easily pass for someone younger. He had a troubled youth as well, with being part of the Third Shinobi World War and later joining the Twelve Guardian Ninja, but it paled in comparison to Kakashi’s tumultuous past, so the man was naturally more jovial than his comrade. Kakashi doubted that he had even given his thirtieth birthday a second thought when it passed him by.

But Asuma was a good man and a loyal friend, so Kakashi didn’t let his stabs get to him. Much.

Seeing that he had a couple of hours to kill until dinner, Kakashi found his way to his apartment. He could use a few hours of quiet reading until he finally met up with Anko. He had pointedly ignored Gai when the other man appeared on his path with exclamations of youth and an outrageous bouquet as a gift, offering a simple thanks and blatantly refusing the flowers.

Turning his key in the lock and hearing a satisfying click in return, he pushed the door open and slipped inside his apartment. He hadn't even taken one step forward when he heard something crunch under his foot. Curiously, Kakashi bent down to find yet another slip of paper. He frowned, already guessing where this was going, and quickly scanned the words.

_‘By now you're probably thinking that I'm playing some sick joke on you, but I'm honestly not. It looks like I might have to pull an all-nighter. IBIKI IS KILLING ME. I SWEAR HE'S OBSESSING MORE THAN I DO AND THAT'S SAYING A LOT. I'm really contemplating homicide. If only I can find a way to make it look like an accident. "Oh, I swear, Tsunade-sama, I just left to go to the bathroom, and when I came back… the horror. Well, we all knew he was a troubled mind. The job catches up to you at some point, what can we do?" I'm having zero luck as of yet. I hope you didn't stay hungry all day because I cancelled basically every plan we had. I'm sorry. I'd sneak into your place when I finally get off, but I doubt either of us will be in the mood for anything by then. Watch your back, Hatake. I'ma blindside you tomorrow.’_

One of the things that bothered him most in the note wasn’t that she had dumped him for a third time in a single day. Ridiculous as it sounded, it was the fact that she called the apartment _his_ place.

Although they had been seeing each other for a very long time, they had never outwardly discussed sharing their living quarters on a permanent basis. Kakashi never thought they needed to. Somehow, over time, Anko’s things had begun flooding his apartment, and he had been okay with that. He knew where this relationship was going, he enjoyed it far more than he ever believed he would, and he had no intention of seeking out one with another, so it was only natural.

Anko, on the other hand, seemed to be a bit more reluctant. Even though she voiced no complaints about gradually bringing in more and more of her stuff, and the times she slept away from Kakashi’s bed were far less than those she slept in it, she still insisted on paying the rent for her fairly smaller apartment several blocks away. She said that it gave her somewhere to go if something ever happened between them. And even though Kakashi had tried countless times to assure her that nothing _would_ happen, she was unflinching.

Kakashi knew that intimacy and commitment were big issues for her, even larger than they were for him, so he never pushed her on the matter.

The other thing that (oddly) bothered him was that she had clearly forgotten about his birthday. In either of her strategically delivered notes, Anko never once wished him a happy birthday or even made a vague inclination that she had remembered.

And he didn’t know why that bothered him so much, especially since he wasn’t too fond of birthdays himself, but it _did_. And that bothered him even more.

With a growl this time, Kakashi crushed the note in his palm.

* * *

 

The night found Kakashi settled comfortably on a corner table in _The Dancing Leaf_ , one of Konoha’s most popular shinobi bars. After getting over his initial anger towards Anko’s absence, and after a few hours of reading in his silent apartment, he had decided not to let his birthday get to him and go out for a drink.

It was a slow night, what with being a Tuesday, so he missedrunning into a comrade who would have drinks with him. Which left him to ponder on the thing that his busy schedule hadn’t allowed him to think much about during the day: his birthday.

It wasn’t that Kakashi was ashamed of his age or even that he wished he was younger. But Naruto’s words had hit a nerve. Was he too old for this? Was thirty such an unimaginable age for a shinobi? Should he really retire and start a family?

Could he even _have_ kids? Surely, all those years of reckless missions and decidedly unhealthy life conditions must have done some damage to _those_ parts of himself. His sexual drive was still as healthy as ever, but with all the poisons and antidotes and soldier pills and god-knows-what-else that had been injected in his body throughout all these years, he doubted that he could father anything other than a freak with two heads and six limbs.

Kakashi sighed as he downed his drink. Maybe he was too old. Maybe all these thoughts were swimming around in his head because of his slowly deteriorating brain. It probably wouldn’t take long for him to go senile and follow Jiraiya around as he hopped from bathhouse to hot spring trying to peek on women. Gods, what a sight would that be. The Copy Ninja and the Sannin, the peeping toms of Konoha. He felt like crying.

Ordering another drink, Kakashi mused on the reason he was at the bar in the first place. What the hell could have possibly been so important that Anko didn’t even have time to meet with him for a few hours? Wasn’t compromise something all couples agreed on? Couldn’t she have told Ibiki that today was his birthday and that she really had to be with him? Well, what was the point in having people in your life when they didn’t even bother checking in with you on your birthday?

"If it isn't the brooding birthday boy," a voice said from behind him and a hand ran briefly over the back of his neck in the ghost of a caress.

He lazily looked up to find Anko slipping on the booth across from him, her trademark grin plastered on her face despite the late hour. _Speak of the devil and she shall appear._

"Technically, it's not my birthday anymore," Kakashi grumbled, staring stubbornly at his drink. “How did you find me?”

“What are you talking about?” Anko asked, waving to the waiter for a drink for herself. “This is your second favorite brooding spot.”

Kakashi rolled his eye and downed his drink in one go, earning a low whistle from the woman before him.

“That bad, huh? Who would have thought turning thirty would turn you into an alcoholic? If I’d known that, I would have stopped trying _years_ ago.”

He sighed, raising his eye to meet her gaze. “What do you want, Anko?”

She seemed baffled by his defensive behavior. With a glare of her own, she leaned back in her seat, crossing her arms over her chest. “Well, excuse me for deciding not to ditch you a third time today despite being beat from work.”

“I thought you were going to _blindside_ me tomorrow,” he offered after a long moment of silence, his tone calmer this time. He was acting like a total jerk and Anko hadn’t done anything to deserve it. In all honesty, it wasn’t her fault that she had a huge workload on this particular day. It happened. He shouldn’t have acted like a self-centered prick, just because he was sour over the fact that he was getting old and he hadn’t had anyone to share it with during the entire day.

It was a good thing she was susceptible to mood swings.

“Technically, it _is_ tomorrow,” she threw back at him with a smirk, snatching her drink from the waiter and gulping down almost half of it. “So, how was it? Any unpleasant surprises?”

“Gai tried to give me flowers,” Kakashi admitted, making her burst out in laughter. That was always a good sign.

“I don’t even know why I’m surprised anymore,” Anko said. “You should be used to that by now.”

“I am. It doesn’t make it any less disturbing.”

“Uhuh,” she hummed, eyeing him closely, like he was one of those Sudoku puzzles she liked so much.

Kakashi had never felt uneasy under Anko’s gaze, but he thought this was as good a time as any to start. “What?”

Anko shook her head, fishing into her coat for enough money for both their drinks before standing up and offering her hand. “Come on, let’s get out of here. Watching you get drunk is pathetic.”

When he finally took her hand and allowed her to drag him out of the bar to god-knows-where, Kakashi thought absently that she only had to bat her eyelashes once and he would be on her beck and call. He didn’t know if it was disturbing, but he did know that he wouldn’t have her any other way.

* * *

If Kakashi had been a betting man, he would have bet that Anko would take him back to his apartment where she would strip him down and have her way with him as an apology for missing his birthday. It was a good thing that he wasn't, though, because his guess couldn’t have been farther from the truth.

Anko led him to the old Uchiha compound and down the Naka River, where a small lake was formed by the river’s waters. Many ladies had the habit of bathing here on sunny days and it was one of Jiraiya’s favorite research spots. Naruto had been very careful to recite every detail of his travels with Jiraiya when he had come back, and so far, this place offered the best stories.

They found a spot on a large boulder by the lakeside. Kakashi lied down with his arms behind his head, staring at the stars, while Anko grabbed a handful of pebbles and began throwing them into the lake. They sat in comfortable silence for a few long moments, enjoying the warmth of each other’s presence. But Kakashi had had enough of silent thoughts that day.

“So, what was the emergency after all?”

Anko snorted, throwing another pebble. “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”

Which roughly translated into: _it was so stupid I don’t even want to remember it, and if you keep asking I’m going to pulverize you._ Kakashi knew better, so he dropped the subject all together.

“You never told me how your day went,” Anko said. “Aside from Gai’s attempts to win over your heart.”

“Well, aside from getting ditched _twice_ —” At this, he earned a glare. “Nothing much. I trained the kids, went broke from treating them to lunch, sparred with Asuma…” he trailed off, trying to think if there was anything else worth mentioning. “I think that’s it.”

“Wow, talk about a low-key birthday.”

“Was there a surprise party that I missed?”

“Not that I know of,” she admitted. “Still, that doesn’t explain why you’re in such a sour mood.”

“I’m not in a sour mood.”

“Yeah, right. You almost bit my head off at the bar. I didn’t think you’d be that angry I skipped lunch with you.”

“I _wasn’t,_ ” Kakashi told her. “It’s just…” He sighed heavily, knowing that she wasn’t going to drop this, so he might as well tell her the truth and be done with it. “I’m old.”

Anko raised an amused eyebrow at him. “What?”

“I’m _old_.”

“Where did _that_ come from?”

“I’ve been thinking about it for a while now,” Kakashi said, looking up at her with a somber expression.

“Kakashi, you’re _thirty_. You’re far from being old.”

“It doesn’t feel like it. Lately, I’ve been having those pains—”

“From training too hard,” Anko offered.

“And my stamina is dwindling—”

“We were having sex for _four hours_ two days ago!”

“And my strength just isn’t what it used to be.”

“You took down an Akatsuki member _and_ awakened your Mangekyou Sharingan three months ago.”

“I’m just not the same person I was a few years ago,” he finished with a sigh.

“Of course you’re not the same person anymore, Kakashi. Shit happens and people change. That doesn’t mean you’re in decay. Especially at the age of thirty.”

“Naruto seems to think of me as _super old._ ”

“ _That’s_ why you’re acting like that? Because the little shit called you _old_?” Anko asked incredulously, looking down at him.

Kakashi nodded, his pout covered by his mask.

"You are _not_ old," Anko said. "Thirty fucking years isn’t old. Inoichi turned _forty_ a few months ago, for fuck's sake, and even he’s not old."

Kakashi tilted his head to look at her. "Inoichi has a sixteen year old kid."

Anko shrugged, although a smirk tugged at her lips. "So what? You want to jumpstart one of your own while you still can?"

"Are you offering?" Kakashi asked with a suggestive wiggle of his eyebrow.

She immediately frowned. "Not a chance in hell, Hatake."

“Well, if you change your mind on that, Naruto offered to mentor our kid.”

A laugh erupted from her chest. “He _what_? Oh, I need all the details for this.”

“He still calls you _the scary snake lady_ , for one.”

She puffed her chest with pride. “What can I say, I live to impress.”

“And he had no idea about us,” Kakashi added.

“ _Damn_ , I really should have taken that bet.”

“He did give us his blessing, though. For any offspring that may occur in the near or distant future. And he has, quote, _called sensei_ of our kid.”

“Oh my God, I can’t believe Ibiki made me miss this! This is so unfair. I’m so going to pummel him tomorrow.”

“He also suggested that I should retire and be a stay-at-home dad.”

“Okay, that’s a low blow, but I’m not gonna lie. You could _totally_ do it.”

Kakashi raised an eyebrow at her.

“Oh, you _so_ could.”

He could and he knew it. He was a home person, even though he got stir crazy during the long periods where he was off missions. But in contrast to Anko, he could deal with staying at home and raising his children, if he ever had some. It would take some time for him to adjust, but he could do it. He was pretty resourceful and adaptable, after all.

“Well, be that as it may, it’s not going to happen, because we are not having a kid.”

“Damn straight.” She gave him a sideways look. “So, that’s all? He called you old and said you should retire?

Kakashi nodded.

“And you decided to have a midlife crisis over _that_?”

He chuckled softly, but then his eyes turned solemn again. "I just always thought I’d die on the battlefield, fighting, because that’s all I ever knew. I didn't think I'd live to reach thirty. I'm basically a relic by shinobi standards."

Anko snorted. "Kakashi, I didn't think I'd hit _twenty_ , what with that good for nothing sensei I'd chosen. But you don't hear me complaining, do you?"

"I suppose I'm overreacting a little,” he admitted after a moment, before adding teasingly, “After all, you're not getting any younger yourself."

Anko grinned wickedly at his comment and stood up. "You are not old," she repeated, shrugging off her coat and toeing off her sandals.

" _We_ are not old." She unbuckled her belt and let her skirt slide down her legs until it pooled around her feet. Her fishnets came off next, along with her pouch and leg-holsters, leaving her only in her panties.

"And I’m gonna prove it to you," Anko added, shimmying out of the last article of clothing and grinning down at him. Without further ado, she took a leap and dived into the lake curled into herself like a cannon ball.

Kakashi remained impassive as quite a few droplets landed on him, but his eyes followed her every movement with a newfound interest. When Anko resurfaced, a few moments later, she swam over to the rock they'd been lying on and rested her arms on the edge.

"So, are you gonna sulk all day about your lost youth or are you gonna get out of those clothes and join me?"

Well—she always did have a way with words.

Without missing a beat, Kakashi ripped off his hitai-ate and his gloves, letting them drop on the heap of her clothes with a soft thud. His vest came off next, followed by his shirt with the adjoined mask. As he casually stripped, he was well aware of her eyes raking over his physique, taking note of his muscles as they clenched and rippled with each of his movements.

Kakashi was not conceited by any chance, but he wasn’t oblivious to his good looks either. He knew he had a great body, hovering somewhere between slender and buffed, with muscles proportionate to his bodily structure that didn’t hinder his agility. The various scars that littered his torso and back didn’t stand out against his light skin, but instead made him look more rugged and tough.

He maintained eye-contact with Anko as he hooked his thumbs into the waistband of both his pants and his underwear and, with one forceful thrust, dropped them down to reveal the rest of his body. He couldn’t help but mirror her smirk as she nodded in appreciation to his full package. Mimicking her previous actions, Kakashi leaped and landed in the water like a cannon ball.

Anko was laughing by the time he resurfaced. No doubt amused by his playfulness despite his overall brooding mood. It was a side of himself he kept well hidden, but it seemed that she had an uncanny power of bringing it out of him more often than not. He brought his hand up to push his hair from his face and saw her beckoning to him.

“See?” Anko said as he swam up to her, her tongue running tantalizingly over her lips. “Still as young and hip as ever.”

Kakashi smirked and wrapped an arm around her waist, pressing her body against his. “Hm. What was that about proving it to me?”

Anko smirked and leaned up for a kiss. "Brace yourself, _kiddo_."

**Author's Note:**

> Happy birthday to our favorite Kakashi-sensei!


End file.
